Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
