if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
