I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
