just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
