Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
