Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
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