All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
