I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
