He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
