you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
