i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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