we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
