Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
BRING THE BAGELS
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
