Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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