i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
