i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
