So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
