that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
porn star boner night. come get it.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
