my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
