i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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