I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
