I want to have your abortion
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
