So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
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