I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
