There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
