I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
