my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
