That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
