I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
