I'm jealous of your bromance
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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