Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
