guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
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