i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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