I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
