Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
