I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
