he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
