hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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