there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
