maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Randomize
