I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
