walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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