i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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