she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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