My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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