I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
