I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Randomize
