It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
