i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
