Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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