Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
