Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
