I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
