Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
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