he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
The air was thick with penises
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
