there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
