Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
