it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
