Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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