I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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