he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
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