your thong is hanging out like whoa
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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