If that was your dad, he is hot
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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