it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
